


Till Death & After

by Pinx_B



Category: Touhou Project
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Drama, F/F, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Introspection, Mild Sexual Content, POV First Person, Romance, Yuri
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-25
Updated: 2018-06-25
Packaged: 2019-05-28 06:13:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,719
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15042524
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pinx_B/pseuds/Pinx_B
Summary: Eirin would learn that severing the ties death had on the living was not easy to achieve, especially a connection as taut as the one Yuyuko had on Yukari..





	Till Death & After

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Yukari was never quite the same. 

I know people deal with grief in various ways, as do I know that each individual has a different duration to how long the grieving process lasts before they feel up to returning to routine. 

My profession allowed me to see up close and personal just how grief manifests when a loved one passes away due to illness, accidents and disease.

Having had so much experience with it, I thought I would be able to handle seeing anyone in so much pain, be there for them and support them. 

But I was failing _her_.

There was nothing that I could do for Yukari that would help to alleviate the anguish she was going through. 

Yuyuko died, or rather, she took her own life. 

How long ago was it now, 2 years perhaps since it occurred. 

The days had clumped together for everyone as we tried to keep Yukari afloat. 

It was terribly unexpected. 

Her death. 

Like a train barrelling through the tracks in the dark. 

Nobody saw it coming. 

As their friend and as someone who could only see their relationship from the outside, I could never have imagined Yuyuko to be in such a dark place. 

Neither could Yukari I suppose. 

I watched them closely, watched how Yukari would do anything to keep the smile on Yuyuko's face. 

I saw the way Yukari would've given Yuyuko the world, all she had to do was ask. 

I witnessed Yukari pour her energy & heart into making sure that Yuyuko was showered with affection and longing. 

I watched because. _.I_ wanted to be in Yuyuko's place. 

It happened, eventually. 

But you will be mistaken in thinking that I was vying for it to happen, especially like this. 

Never did I try to come in between what they had. 

I was happy for them because it made Yukari happy. It was that kind of love, where I was willing to put aside my own feelings to see the one that I love content. 

And with Yuyuko, Yukari was on cloud 9 for many years. 

Until she took her life. 

No letter. No reason. No sign. 

One day Yuyuko was here, the next she was not. 

Yukari never healed from it. 

 

A jangling of keys in the door intercepted my stream of thoughts as I finished preparing dinner, making me realise how immersed in the recollection of our past I was. With a quick breath in, the mosaic of memories go to the back of my mind because she is..here. 

Yukari is home from work which prompts a smile to form on my face despite what I was just thinking about. 

Regardless of how our relationship formed, it was the thing that kept Yukari in this world. 

We became closer than we ever had been; through the tears, through the reminiscing, through the grief. 

I became her anchor and she became mine. 

As I said, embarking on a relationship with her was not my goal because I knew she would _never_ stop loving Yuyuko and I was okay with that. 

However, Yukari's own pursuing of me led to us breaking down the last wall between our attraction a year ago thus leading to her and I being together. 

If it makes her happy, makes her forget the pain; I will be _anything_ for her. 

Whether she needed a friend or a lover or a confidant, I took it as my own responsibility to aid her in anyway. 

My love for her never diminished despite her eyes only being on Yuyuko. 

In fact, it grew as each day went by and there was nothing I could do about it. I continued falling for Yukari in the same way night fell over a warm summer's day; silently yet so intensely. 

To be in love with your best friend truly was one of the most cruellest fates, more so when she belonged to another. 

But it did little to hinder my friendship with both her and Yuyuko, doing anything that I could whenever they required my assistance. 

I became _that_ friend to them. 

The one who was always there to dissolve tension, to give them a push when necessary, to build bridges. 

What I asked for in return was them both to remain together and in love because that, is what Yukari wanted. 

And what she wanted, I sought out too. 

This is how we lived when we met as young adults and then as grown women. 

It was perfect. 

Unfortunately, that perfection was being circled by darkness and we had no idea of it. 

We wouldn't know till myself and Yukari walked into her home one day to find Yuyuko's lifeless body in their bedroom. 

Everything changed and I strove to be Yukari's shelter.

Something I have sworn to doing to this day. 

Washing my hands and drying them, I leave the kitchen to greet her as she walks in. Even now, seeing her conjures such emotions in me that are conveyed through my smile. Given what I do as a doctor, it is integral that I know how to control and contain my emotions and I do it rather well. 

But when it comes to Yukari, all of my training, reservation & professionalism collapse like the Roman empire. 

She returns my smile though it is weak, as is the glow in her stunning violet eyes which render me still whenever I lose myself in them. 

A long day is my conclusion as to why she appears that way, I am sure of it. 

But deep within me, the part that isn't bound in delusion knows the truth. 

 _This_ is how Yukari is now. 

Appearing in control and happiness is what she has perfected with each faked smile and word she utters to everyone. 

I drown my rationality into the pit of my stomach as I reach out & pull her into a firm embrace, her arms snugly encircling my waist. 

The breath I exhale is one of relief due to her coming back home to me, alive and in one piece. My hands run into her hair, scrunching it together as she presses against me harder. Whenever I get a chance to touch her like this, I make the most of it because it isn't often that she allows me to do this; it is on _her_ terms. 

It may be strange to be so accepting of such a one sided relationship but as I say, I am content with it. 

Yukari will never be able to give me her mind.

Instead, she gives me her body which I greedily take as it is a way for us to be connected. 

I will take anything she gives me. 

Including playing second fiddle to a ghost. 

I despise that that is enough for me yet I love it because I love her. 

She murmurs something in my ear and her voice appears heavy, breathless. 

Moving back slightly, I glance at her worryingly while my fingers slide up her body in order to hold her face. She is so tired, both physically and mentally and I wish that there was something I could do to relieve her from it. But I know that nothing will get through to her, nothing I say or do will pull her out.

A part of Yukari died the night Yuyuko did and she dragged Yukari with her. 

Knowing this bubbles up misplaced rage but I cannot help it. 

All I want is for Yukari to return to how she was. 

Before she became an empty shell. 

 

She still knows how to read me; even in her despair Yukari can figure me out and she is aware of the barrage of thoughts hammering against my skull. 

Which is why surprise washes over my face when her hands crawl up to the collar of my shirt and she tears it apart in an animalistic manner. 

Does she know that I'm blaming Yuyuko? 

My back hits the wall with a thud as her lips mould themselves against mine, tongue sliding in to every corner of my mouth. 

Does she know that I wish to replace Yuyuko fully?

We're still in the hallway when she curls her tongue around mine like a snake, tugging and suckling it till my knees buckle and she uses her body to hold me up. 

Does she know that I'm trying to remove Yuyuko's presence? 

I pant out her name when she releases me and my head flies back against the wall which provided the perfect opportunity for her lips to seal against my neck. 

I hope she does know, because that is _exactly_ what I am trying to accomplish. 

My hands are frantically trying to remove her blazer, moving to the buttons on her white shirt after but with one swift move, she has my right arm pinned against the wall. 

I want to break the curse Yuyuko has on her. 

She watches me with striking intensity as she evens her breathing out, lipstick lightly smeared with the remnants of my mouth glistening around her lips. 

Her eyes appear primal, dark and predatory. 

But beyond that, they are apologetic. 

A silent apology because she knows what she is doing to me, she knows that she can never give herself fully to me and yet, she can't bring herself to let go. 

I..do not care. 

I am hers to take in any way. 

I just need to try and save Yukari from the self destruction she has been embroiled in. 

With that in mind, I close the space between us and capture her trembling lips against mine in a bid to reignite the pent up desire she was feeling and it returns by the ten fold. 

Her hand that has not barricaded my wrist to the wall sweeps down my body till she could undo the buttons on the jeans and slide it beneath the waistband with ease. 

My hips buck forward at the sensation of her fingers stroking my lips between my thighs as her teeth bite down on the pair stuck in her mouth. 

She's watching me, I can _feel_ her amatory eyes covering every inch of my face that is in unbound pleasure due to what she is doing to me. I cannot really say why she does this but, I feel like she is making sure that I am here, that her being inside of me right now is not enough to make sure of that. 

It's becoming difficult to keep upright as my head slumps onto her shoulder with each twirl of her long fingers sweeping inside me, her thumb spinning against the nub without any hesitation. I am used to how rough she can get when she is in this mood. I have come to crave it almost. 

My leg sneaks up and settles around the curve of Yukari's lower back as her fingers continue to bury deeper while the pressure of her thumb thrusting above reaches a rapid speed. 

I know she is trying to use sex to keep me around however, she seems to be unaware that even if she refused to touch me, I would not leave her side. 

It conjures an empty feeling in my chest, making me lodge my teeth against the nape of her exposed neck as my free hand grips her hair to keep her closer against me. 

Tears well up inside the ducts knowing that she feels this way, that she can never accept how in love with her I am. 

The aggression Yukari is experiencing has also infected me as I grind against her hand with each push of my hips. She calls out my name but I refuse to adhere to her shaky voice whilst she continues to build up my orgasm. Instead, I tear away my arm from her grip against the wall and resume my action of earlier, removing her shirt till she's left in her skirt and bra. My eager lips continue to paint over her neck and throat like I'm creating a masterpiece, using my tongue as a brush that is making her moan out unabashedly. 

For one night, I want to make her forget about _Yuyuko_ , just one night. 

The sudden onslaught of my actions has made it difficult for Yukari to make me come because her hand is shuddering while she tries to pleasure me. Her arms are squeezing behind my neck and I can hear her ragged breathing travel into my ear. She is as close as I am now so I pull my jeans down lower which frees her lithe fingers still working me over before rapidly pulling her skirt up to her hips. 

Part of me was moving on autopilot and the other was being controlled via my desperation to fix Yukari. 

Anything, I have been willing to do _anything_ to bring her back to reality yet all my efforts plunder. 

She is trembling so visibly which leads me to crouching slightly in order to pick her up into my arms, wrapping her up tightly to help her ride out the influx of emotions streaming through her. 

Our alert and slick centres collide instantly the moment she is on me and it increases my urgency to satisfy her. Flipping us around so that her back was pressed against the wall this time, I start rocking against it with timed yet messy precision and she feels it every time I slam against her. 

Her palms have balled my top ferociously, her gasps meeting my mouth after I trailed up her neck to kiss her. 

Holding back..isn't an option. 

There is a lifeline that Yukari is reaching out for and it is me, I know it. 

So as I continue to plunge against the hardness of her nub with my own, my plea of emotions tumble out along with each time I pant out how much I love her. 

I love you. 

Each confession is sealed with sloppy kisses.

Yukari, I love you. 

Each words is accentuated with my hands squeezing her thighs while I press my core against hers.

Yukari. 

Each cry for her to reach me is joined with tears as we both unravel together, exuding copious amounts of deluge over and inside each other. 

Yukari! 

 

Then, it happens. 

_Yuyuko!_

As expected.

She screams out _her_ name. 

Instead of mine. 

While I sob hers. 

My world once again, crumbles. 

I feel like my heart is going to stop due to climaxing and hearing Yukari cry out for the one who I will never be. My knees are weak so I slide us down to the floor as she remains encircled around me and my head is between her chest. 

I cannot look her. 

She knows this and she can feel my tears run and flow onto her skin. 

 _I'm sorry_. 

It's fine, Yukari, it is fine, is the best I can reply as she strokes my hair. 

 _I'm sorry_. 

She is crying too while she clings onto me like she is in agony, her almost nude body strikingly hot to touch. 

 _Eirin, I'm sorry_. 

I can only provide a small shake of my head in her cleavage to let her know that it is fine as my arms remain around her hips, her back partially off the wall as she pushes into me. 

 _Eirin_. 

Saying my name now, is a consolidation. 

 _Eirin_. 

But it melts me. 

Because I allow it to, because once again, I _failed_ to depart Yukari's heart from the grip that Yuyuko has on her. 

I bite back a bitter scoff while I kiss her chest soothingly since neither of us has any intention of moving right now. 

Whether we continue making love, or rather, simply have sex here on the floor or in our bed, it'll end up the same way tonight for Yukari. 

With Yuyuko in her thoughts & me on her body. 

What is worse is the reason why I get to love her tonight, there is only one reason _why_ Yukari is letting me touch her. 

Today was the day it happened.

I know what date is, it has not left my mind since I woke up this morning. 

It is the day Yuyuko died. 

It is the day she took Yukari with her. 

Yukari was just, never quite the same.

 


End file.
